History pt. II

This is really boring… but I guess nobody will ever read this so it’s only me who’s going to be bored reading it!
My weight loss journey is becoming tough. At the moment, I feel that it’s Do or Die and if I don’t conquer it I never will.
I used to be 52kg and my mum used to say I should lose weight. Looking back, 52kg is way too small for me. I probably would never be able to maintain that weight now. In fact, I would be a skeleton! So slowly my weight crept up to 55kg and then 57kg, then I sat comfortably (but unhappily) at 60kg. I guess to everyone else I looked fine but to me, I could see what I looked like without clothes on and all I saw was fat thighs. Anyway, in 2003 I moved into a flat and spent a good part of that year binge drinking, curing hangovers with McDonalds and removing fresh food from my diet completely. I cannot even remember cooking dinner at night, except once or twice. I stacked on over 10kg in less than a year, and the only reason I noticed was because I happened to glance in the mirror and see fresh stretch marks on my “love handle” area (which now, thanks to daily use of Bio Oil are almost invisible). This totally crushed me as I realised how big I was and was so used to having a flat, toned, love handle-free stomach! My (then) boyfriend bought me a 6month gym membership which, thinking back was the equivalent of taking $450 and burning it. I felt so fat I was too embarrassed to go to the gym. I am sure I put on more weight, but was too scared to stand on the scales. After my relationship ended, I moved home. I didn’t have a car then, so in order to get to work Monday to Friday I had to train. I would get dropped at the train station in the morning, and once it arrived in town I would have to walk 1.3km uphill to work. After work, I’d then have to power walk the same 1.3km’s to catch the next train (which left me seriously sweating and red in the face). Once it pulled into my station, there was no one to pick me up so I’d have to walk 3km home. It took me 35minutes if I walked fast, and a good part of it was uphill. Some days I would walk an extra km. One day I went to the doctor, who weighed me. I was absolutely shocked to hear I was 65kg. I had lost 5kg without even realising! But then it dawned on me I’d been doing so much walking, combined with a very healthy diet. Suddenly I felt very determined to lose more weight. I didn’t have a goal weight or anything though. Every day I weighed myself (which isn’t always good…) and every day I was lighter. I was surprised at how easy it was. Eventually after 2 months I got down to 57kg. (Once I was on the “severe food poisoning” diet for a week and got down to 54kg but that was short lived when I could eat again). My weight plateaued at 57kg. I saw 56.9 for one day but after reaching 57kg, I couldn’t lose anymore without eating a very, very strict diet. I maintained this weight for about a year. In December 2005, I went to Australia with my current boyfriend and forgot all about exercise. When we flew home, I was relieved to see I hadn’t gained weight. I totally lost interest in exercise and careful eating but after months of this I still stayed at 57kg. Eventually this bad behaviour caught up with me and at Christmas 2006 I found myself weighing in at 61.7kg. This has shocked me into losing weight again. Because I’m barely 156cm tall even 1 extra kilo shows on my body. My goal is 57kg or less. I’ve been there before so I know it’s possible.